critique for alana

407 wordywordss

The grassy plains stretched along the horizon for miles, and the sun glimmered in the sky, shining its luminous light amongst the vibrant shades of pink and yellow scattered in the clouds. It was as if someone had blended those two colors together using a brush that hadn’t been washed after its last dip in yellow.

This is beautiful imagery!!
I love the sky being the focus- often I feel it's ignored but it's such an integral part of the scene and I just loved how you chose to describe it <33
This does lead to the first bit about the plains feeling slightly underdone/out of place, but that doesn't impact the read much at all.
'those two colours' to me feels slightly wordy- since you've already referenced the pink and yellow it could be possible to just use ‘the colours’ or ‘those colours’
I really, really love the use of the word ‘scattered’ here, it's perfect.

The valley was quite vast in size as it was mainly made up of nature that thrived in the land. The one community that did live in the center of the land worked together to harvest the surrounding crops.

I don't quite understand this first sentence- it seems to be suggesting that the valley was large because nature thrived in it, which only geographically wouldn't make sense.
The word ‘land’ is only used twice but as they're quite close it does feel repetitive.

As the snow banks began to melt - a sign of spring and new beginnings - the cherry blossoms that were a predominant site in the valley began to blossom. Everywhere you looked, shades of white and pastel pink were present. It was almost like living through a surreal fantasy; something you could only hope for, but would never come true no matter how hard you wished. Although the valley was known for its breathtaking beauty, it was more commonly remembered for all the legends and prophecies that revolved around it.

Oh my gosh, I love the snow/spring thing, it really sets the tone!
That's a great transition from description to the introduction of themes and plot. It, to me, hints at something going on under the surface, beneath all the beauty. (And maybe that's what you were attempting to hint at?

)

At the time, the Elders from above as well as common ritual leaders would use their psychic abilities to predict the future.

At what time? It's not entirely clear- I think it's at the time of the legends, but a different starter may help to explain.

These theories were then stored in orb-like spheres, all encased in glass, to protect them from the eyes of the darkness that lurked within the shadows. Protected at such security, they were forgotten as time went on - despite this, countless greedy individuals did take an occasional hike up to the Ancient Temple of Lost Secrets.

The ‘protected at such security’ bit is a little bit of a funny clause- I'm not really sure how to clarify it though.

As expected, they were met with such fatal deaths since the temple was sealed by the magic from the Elders. Centuries passed and as time went on, the _____ were lost to wind.

This is a lot of information at once, but I feel like it's presented in a really clear, orderly way

Throughout the piece there are a lot of long, beautiful sentences- it may help variation and readability to add a few short, punchy ones in

This is a really, really amazing bit of writing!! (and I'm hoping to read the final piece when it's done :0) Your use of simile in description is truly amazing, and it allows the scene to be portrayed so clearly it's like a photograph. The description, especially towards the start, it honestly incredible, and I feel like it's great at pulling the reader in and allowing them to really engage in the story from the start! That definitely seems to be a massive strong suit :00 Anything I've said is entirely nitpicking. This is a lovely work to read (like all your writing!) and I'm very glad I got to see it <333