PunsterNumberOnester
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The Things I Wrote to Your Ghost (789 words)
-based on a true story someone I love told me-
———
Dear Charlie,
I decided to take a walk downtown the other night.
I needed to get away.
From everything, y’know.
The area was always quiet at night, but then… somehow it felt even more so. Maybe it was the empty sidewalks illuminated by the streetlights. Maybe the sound of near silence penetrated only by some distant laughter and music from the diner down the street. Or maybe… maybe it was just the lack of a warm body beside me. Come to think of it, maybe it was only your presence that kept me from seeing the true emptiness around us.
But, however much you being there had helped me, it was all over now. I was alone, with the streetlights, and the laughter, and the music. Oh… the music.
I recognized the song… Cyndi Lauper’s “Time After Time”
I remember you walking beside me and spinning me around, singing along to the song and acting all over dramatic… just to make me laugh.
Even as I walked away, the music fading into the background, I could hear you in my mind singing with that warm, smooth voice you had.
“If you’re lost, you can look
And you will find me
Time after time-”
I was lost, and I was looking. But I knew… I wouldn't find you there anymore. Our time was up.
My feet had carried me to where they always did… our spot. The small iron bench looked just like it always did when I approached it -black metal, worn from the years, overlooking the large lake- but there was a part of me that really hoped you would be waiting for me. The water was dark and looked as if it could be solid if I chose to jump onto it. But I wasn't delusional, and I wasn’t tempted to join you anytime soon. Although…
I thought better of it and sat down on the bench. I’m honestly not sure why I went there. It stirred up so many memories in me.
You, ruffling my hair just to annoy me.
You, smiling as you shared the song you wrote and telling me I was the only one allowed to hear it.
You, getting down on one knee and me saying yes.
You, saying you were going to head back to your place for a bit
You, saying you'd come back right after.
You, never coming back.
You.
I found myself crying. Of course. Why wouldn’t I cry? It's just, I hadn't cried the whole time since you’d been gone. People thought I didn't care. People thought I was still in shock. People thought I was delusional. They were all wrong.
You see, I thought I'd accepted everything, but that night, I still felt you there with me. It was like you had decided to become a ghost for a few hours and spent all your time haunting me.
I didn’t mind.
Every tear you made me cry, I relished. Every scream I felt rise in my throat, I held dearly in my heart. I wasn’t going to let go anytime soon. We were going to stay there together until…
Until… I don't know when…
But once again, my delusion passed, and I no longer felt you beside me. I slumped on the bench and let myself feel my face against the metal, the tears burning my cheeks, the warm breeze carried across the lake. I reminded myself that I was there, I was real, I was alive.
I let my finger caress the ring I never took off. The ring I’ll never take off.
I stood up and I stared at the spot on the bench you had always occupied and I let myself turn away.
I walked on, past the diner, and I let myself sing along to the music.
“It’s only a paper moon
Sailing over a cardboard sea~”
I walked the empty sidewalks and let myself feel a small warmth next to me.
That was the night I let myself let go.
And I have you to thank for it.
Love, Jon
———
I folded up the letter and sighed. A while had passed since my trip to the lake. I had found a new place. It was nice. I needed the extra room. I adopted a daughter. She loves her dad, but I only wish she could have met the other one. She would have loved him.
She had found the letter and asked about it. I told her it was from a story. She’s only 6. She doesn’t need to know about what happened til she’s older. For now, it’s enough to see her happy.
I still feel you next to me sometimes. I still find myself crying.
I still love you.
-based on a true story someone I love told me-
———
Dear Charlie,
I decided to take a walk downtown the other night.
I needed to get away.
From everything, y’know.
The area was always quiet at night, but then… somehow it felt even more so. Maybe it was the empty sidewalks illuminated by the streetlights. Maybe the sound of near silence penetrated only by some distant laughter and music from the diner down the street. Or maybe… maybe it was just the lack of a warm body beside me. Come to think of it, maybe it was only your presence that kept me from seeing the true emptiness around us.
But, however much you being there had helped me, it was all over now. I was alone, with the streetlights, and the laughter, and the music. Oh… the music.
I recognized the song… Cyndi Lauper’s “Time After Time”
I remember you walking beside me and spinning me around, singing along to the song and acting all over dramatic… just to make me laugh.
Even as I walked away, the music fading into the background, I could hear you in my mind singing with that warm, smooth voice you had.
“If you’re lost, you can look
And you will find me
Time after time-”
I was lost, and I was looking. But I knew… I wouldn't find you there anymore. Our time was up.
My feet had carried me to where they always did… our spot. The small iron bench looked just like it always did when I approached it -black metal, worn from the years, overlooking the large lake- but there was a part of me that really hoped you would be waiting for me. The water was dark and looked as if it could be solid if I chose to jump onto it. But I wasn't delusional, and I wasn’t tempted to join you anytime soon. Although…
I thought better of it and sat down on the bench. I’m honestly not sure why I went there. It stirred up so many memories in me.
You, ruffling my hair just to annoy me.
You, smiling as you shared the song you wrote and telling me I was the only one allowed to hear it.
You, getting down on one knee and me saying yes.
You, saying you were going to head back to your place for a bit
You, saying you'd come back right after.
You, never coming back.
You.
I found myself crying. Of course. Why wouldn’t I cry? It's just, I hadn't cried the whole time since you’d been gone. People thought I didn't care. People thought I was still in shock. People thought I was delusional. They were all wrong.
You see, I thought I'd accepted everything, but that night, I still felt you there with me. It was like you had decided to become a ghost for a few hours and spent all your time haunting me.
I didn’t mind.
Every tear you made me cry, I relished. Every scream I felt rise in my throat, I held dearly in my heart. I wasn’t going to let go anytime soon. We were going to stay there together until…
Until… I don't know when…
But once again, my delusion passed, and I no longer felt you beside me. I slumped on the bench and let myself feel my face against the metal, the tears burning my cheeks, the warm breeze carried across the lake. I reminded myself that I was there, I was real, I was alive.
I let my finger caress the ring I never took off. The ring I’ll never take off.
I stood up and I stared at the spot on the bench you had always occupied and I let myself turn away.
I walked on, past the diner, and I let myself sing along to the music.
“It’s only a paper moon
Sailing over a cardboard sea~”
I walked the empty sidewalks and let myself feel a small warmth next to me.
That was the night I let myself let go.
And I have you to thank for it.
Love, Jon
———
I folded up the letter and sighed. A while had passed since my trip to the lake. I had found a new place. It was nice. I needed the extra room. I adopted a daughter. She loves her dad, but I only wish she could have met the other one. She would have loved him.
She had found the letter and asked about it. I told her it was from a story. She’s only 6. She doesn’t need to know about what happened til she’s older. For now, it’s enough to see her happy.
I still feel you next to me sometimes. I still find myself crying.
I still love you.