silverlynx-
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Critique
Overall, I really like the piece! It is very descriptive and flows quite nicely!
I think that in general, you need to add some more clarity to the piece. Because it is fan-fiction, you don’t need to do as much explaining, but it would be good if the reader could understand who the ‘Keymaster’ is or the ‘Crimson Wanderer.’ I think that if you made the first section a bit clearer, then it would elevate the whole piece. Also, if you maybe put some of the lines into one paragraph, instead of one line all by itself, it might just make it a bit easier to read. I would suggest keeping a couple lines by themselves though for suspense! However, your description is wonderful and you really create a sense of unease!
If you describe the scene a bit more as well, it would help the reader to understand your piece a bit more, because I only have a vague idea of what the Void looks like or the gate but that’s all from my imagination. This does give your reader lots of freedom in setting the scene for themselves though!
On the italics for ‘it’s the same and nothing will ever change this’ I think that you should only have one word in italics, like ‘same’ or ‘ever’ because the italics don’t have as much affect when they're in big phrases like that. I also find the last section where Kei’ says about him being the puppeteer, so if you could add in a tiny bit of explanation into that it might just clarify it a bit more. I think a few metaphors or similes might come of use!
This is an amazing piece full of dazzling adjectives and adverbs and really blew me away! Thank you so much for letting me critique your incredible writing!
Overall, I really like the piece! It is very descriptive and flows quite nicely!
I think that in general, you need to add some more clarity to the piece. Because it is fan-fiction, you don’t need to do as much explaining, but it would be good if the reader could understand who the ‘Keymaster’ is or the ‘Crimson Wanderer.’ I think that if you made the first section a bit clearer, then it would elevate the whole piece. Also, if you maybe put some of the lines into one paragraph, instead of one line all by itself, it might just make it a bit easier to read. I would suggest keeping a couple lines by themselves though for suspense! However, your description is wonderful and you really create a sense of unease!
If you describe the scene a bit more as well, it would help the reader to understand your piece a bit more, because I only have a vague idea of what the Void looks like or the gate but that’s all from my imagination. This does give your reader lots of freedom in setting the scene for themselves though!
On the italics for ‘it’s the same and nothing will ever change this’ I think that you should only have one word in italics, like ‘same’ or ‘ever’ because the italics don’t have as much affect when they're in big phrases like that. I also find the last section where Kei’ says about him being the puppeteer, so if you could add in a tiny bit of explanation into that it might just clarify it a bit more. I think a few metaphors or similes might come of use!
This is an amazing piece full of dazzling adjectives and adverbs and really blew me away! Thank you so much for letting me critique your incredible writing!