-WildClan-
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Hey, this was pretty good! 
I like how it includes elements of mythology while at the same time, telling a story about being an outcast and getting bullied that many people can relate to and/or sympathize with, even if they knew nothing about the mythological stuff. Your characterization was well done, especially the body language and small behavioral details. Each character, as well as the protagonist's relationships with them, was unique and memorable. However, more detail could be given to the bully characters. It would make sense to add in some backstory about how and why they had picked on him in the past, and explain why they seemed willing to literally kill him when his only fault was that he didn’t live up to their expectations. The fact that he almost died of drowning is pretty extreme, going beyond just normal bullying. Were the bullies truly intending to drown him, or were they messing around and went too far? They didn’t seem too bothered by the fact that they almost killed a person, as they left laughing, so do they simply have no regard for life in general, or is there a reason they target the protagonist in particular? Do they hate him for any personal reasons, or is he just an easy target for their cruel desires? Not all of these questions have to be addressed in this passage, but since you said this was an excerpt from a larger novel you’ll working on, these are some of the things that should probably be touched on at some point, especially if the bullying persists and becomes a significant part of the protagonists's character arc as a whole- which it should be, as it wouldn’t make sense for this to be just an isolated incident. Anyway, I really liked his complex relationships with the other figures in his life, too. It really gives the impression of a person who has a complete, multi-faceted life, not a character that exists for one specific plotline with no other interests.
I like how it includes elements of mythology while at the same time, telling a story about being an outcast and getting bullied that many people can relate to and/or sympathize with, even if they knew nothing about the mythological stuff. Your characterization was well done, especially the body language and small behavioral details. Each character, as well as the protagonist's relationships with them, was unique and memorable. However, more detail could be given to the bully characters. It would make sense to add in some backstory about how and why they had picked on him in the past, and explain why they seemed willing to literally kill him when his only fault was that he didn’t live up to their expectations. The fact that he almost died of drowning is pretty extreme, going beyond just normal bullying. Were the bullies truly intending to drown him, or were they messing around and went too far? They didn’t seem too bothered by the fact that they almost killed a person, as they left laughing, so do they simply have no regard for life in general, or is there a reason they target the protagonist in particular? Do they hate him for any personal reasons, or is he just an easy target for their cruel desires? Not all of these questions have to be addressed in this passage, but since you said this was an excerpt from a larger novel you’ll working on, these are some of the things that should probably be touched on at some point, especially if the bullying persists and becomes a significant part of the protagonists's character arc as a whole- which it should be, as it wouldn’t make sense for this to be just an isolated incident. Anyway, I really liked his complex relationships with the other figures in his life, too. It really gives the impression of a person who has a complete, multi-faceted life, not a character that exists for one specific plotline with no other interests.