Mar 23, 2024 22:15:22
⊛ The Final Boss ⊛ SWC Cabin Wars March 2024
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Side story - 723 words
Kit really wished she’d read Lord of the Rings right now.
She’d gotten the gist of what a balrog was. It was pretty hard not to, with one rampaging around, burning the camp down. But she didn’t know the details… Did it have any weaknesses they could exploit? Would it still have those weaknesses when it was also a turtle?
Normally, she would just check Lord of the Rings Wiki, but her computer had been destroyed, crushed by a falling pillar.
Script was in ruins. The whole camp was in ruins. Everything was on fire, much more than normal, even normal cabin wars. For a camp that worshipped arson so much, they were surprisingly unprepared for a fire-breathing monster.
Kit really should do something. But what? She hadn’t been trained by the frying pan cult. And she didn’t have bug powers like the Thriller campers. She was just an actor playing a child who wants to play with fire, and playing with this fire wasn’t going to do much good. She realized she’d even been slacking on her acting role… Not that it would matter, with the theatron destroyed.
Normal cabin wars she could handle. She loved normal cabin wars. But not this. Cabins were hardly even warring each other today, too, everyone was so busy with Gurtle the Balrog. Of course he chose cabin wars as the day to strike.
What had happened to him? Was he planning it all along? Or did something about this day of chaos get to him, turn him into this beast?
Did it even matter?
She was actually relatively safe just hanging around the wreckage of the Script cabin for the moment. Balrog-Gurtle had already come through there, and was currently busy elsewhere. Still, sitting around here wasn’t doing any good. She should go help. She should go fight. Somehow.
She wasn’t completely powerless, was she? Maybe she could… summon the goats? The old goats from Adventure November 2021? She wasn’t sure where to find them, though… Wait, didn’t Fairy Tales have goats this session? Were the goats okay? She should check if they were okay.
Then it came to her - the bridge trolls! Maybe they could help somehow! Maybe if she convinced them that the Balrog was trying to eat the goats, the goats that the trolls wanted for themselves, they’d help fight it? She wasn’t sure how much good a couple of trolls would do against this beast, but it had to be better than nothing. And if the Balrog ate the trolls… Well, then the trolls wouldn’t be able to terrorize the goats anymore, so no harm there.
She took off running, past Fairy Tales, and to the troll bridge.
There they were, under the bridge - Grumpy and Lovely.
Kit stopped to catch her breath. “Hey- trolls,” she panted. “There’s a- thing. The Balrog? The… the monster that’s destroying camp. It used to be Gurtle- Never mind. The point is, can you help fight it?”
“WHY ME HELP YOU?” said Grumpy.
“Because it’s going to eat the goats if you don’t,” Kit lied. At least, she hoped it was a lie, hoped Gurtle wouldn’t actually hurt the goats.
Grumpy scowled. “BUT ME EAT GOATS.”
“Yes, I know. But if you don’t stop this thing, it’s going to eat all the goats, and there won’t be any left for you! You don’t want that, do you?”
Grumpy stopped to think about that, still scowling.
“Lovely, you want to help, don’t you?” Kit looked at the pink troll desperately.
Lovely shook their head. “That thing seems scary.”
Grumpy nodded. “YES. BARLOG TOO BIG. ME NO FIGHT IT.”
Kit decided not to point out that Grumpy had said Barlog, not Balrog. “But- But if you don’t fight it, it will destroy everything, even your bridge!”
“THEN ME FIND BETTER BRIDGE. MAYBE ME GET INSURANCE IF BRIDGE DESTROYED.”
“Do you… have insurance on your bridge?” Kit asked. She was surprised the trolls had any idea what insurance was.
Grumpy didn’t answer.
Kit sighed, exasperated. “Are you going to help us or not?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Fine.” This was getting nowhere. “But you’ll regret this when you have no bridge to live under and no goats to eat.” She stomped off. What a waste of time that was.
She should probably check if the goats actually were okay…
Kit really wished she’d read Lord of the Rings right now.
She’d gotten the gist of what a balrog was. It was pretty hard not to, with one rampaging around, burning the camp down. But she didn’t know the details… Did it have any weaknesses they could exploit? Would it still have those weaknesses when it was also a turtle?
Normally, she would just check Lord of the Rings Wiki, but her computer had been destroyed, crushed by a falling pillar.
Script was in ruins. The whole camp was in ruins. Everything was on fire, much more than normal, even normal cabin wars. For a camp that worshipped arson so much, they were surprisingly unprepared for a fire-breathing monster.
Kit really should do something. But what? She hadn’t been trained by the frying pan cult. And she didn’t have bug powers like the Thriller campers. She was just an actor playing a child who wants to play with fire, and playing with this fire wasn’t going to do much good. She realized she’d even been slacking on her acting role… Not that it would matter, with the theatron destroyed.
Normal cabin wars she could handle. She loved normal cabin wars. But not this. Cabins were hardly even warring each other today, too, everyone was so busy with Gurtle the Balrog. Of course he chose cabin wars as the day to strike.
What had happened to him? Was he planning it all along? Or did something about this day of chaos get to him, turn him into this beast?
Did it even matter?
She was actually relatively safe just hanging around the wreckage of the Script cabin for the moment. Balrog-Gurtle had already come through there, and was currently busy elsewhere. Still, sitting around here wasn’t doing any good. She should go help. She should go fight. Somehow.
She wasn’t completely powerless, was she? Maybe she could… summon the goats? The old goats from Adventure November 2021? She wasn’t sure where to find them, though… Wait, didn’t Fairy Tales have goats this session? Were the goats okay? She should check if they were okay.
Then it came to her - the bridge trolls! Maybe they could help somehow! Maybe if she convinced them that the Balrog was trying to eat the goats, the goats that the trolls wanted for themselves, they’d help fight it? She wasn’t sure how much good a couple of trolls would do against this beast, but it had to be better than nothing. And if the Balrog ate the trolls… Well, then the trolls wouldn’t be able to terrorize the goats anymore, so no harm there.
She took off running, past Fairy Tales, and to the troll bridge.
There they were, under the bridge - Grumpy and Lovely.
Kit stopped to catch her breath. “Hey- trolls,” she panted. “There’s a- thing. The Balrog? The… the monster that’s destroying camp. It used to be Gurtle- Never mind. The point is, can you help fight it?”
“WHY ME HELP YOU?” said Grumpy.
“Because it’s going to eat the goats if you don’t,” Kit lied. At least, she hoped it was a lie, hoped Gurtle wouldn’t actually hurt the goats.
Grumpy scowled. “BUT ME EAT GOATS.”
“Yes, I know. But if you don’t stop this thing, it’s going to eat all the goats, and there won’t be any left for you! You don’t want that, do you?”
Grumpy stopped to think about that, still scowling.
“Lovely, you want to help, don’t you?” Kit looked at the pink troll desperately.
Lovely shook their head. “That thing seems scary.”
Grumpy nodded. “YES. BARLOG TOO BIG. ME NO FIGHT IT.”
Kit decided not to point out that Grumpy had said Barlog, not Balrog. “But- But if you don’t fight it, it will destroy everything, even your bridge!”
“THEN ME FIND BETTER BRIDGE. MAYBE ME GET INSURANCE IF BRIDGE DESTROYED.”
“Do you… have insurance on your bridge?” Kit asked. She was surprised the trolls had any idea what insurance was.
Grumpy didn’t answer.
Kit sighed, exasperated. “Are you going to help us or not?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Fine.” This was getting nowhere. “But you’ll regret this when you have no bridge to live under and no goats to eat.” She stomped off. What a waste of time that was.
She should probably check if the goats actually were okay…